I find myself hating parts of my body; parts that a lot of women could only dream of having. I'm talking about my breasts. Without going into full detail about sizes, I will just admit to having an above average set, they were "nice" to have a one point in time, but now, I'm over them. I'm over not feeling adequate enough. I wish I could take them off and hide them for a long period of time, revoke some privileges... But I can't.
I keep fighting this same battle, probably once a month or every other month (if I'm being generous) I keep finding myself in this self-deprecating situation when I get a certain email. A tracker on my husbands network, a program that notifies me of any site that is adult-rated. This week, the sites visited consisted of the newest record holder for biggest natural boob size. Very much bigger then me, I'm not jealous of them, don't get me wrong, I think that size is appalling, I just feel sickened and want to go down a few cup sizes to slightly below average.
I don't know what the solution is to this problem, I obviously can't cut them off myself, I can't afford a surgeon to remove them (and I think my husband would notice that bill...) and I don't want to keep having the same conversation, because it obviously doesn't help. I am Christian, so my only answer is prayer, but I can't bring myself to do even that right now.
I should also mention, I am almost 8 months pregnant, so naturally I am a sobbing mess.